Truth in My Darkness

Freedom comes from our soul knowing and accepting our most basic truth.  It comes from accepting our lives whole-heartedly, recognizing our feelings with deep honesty and clarity, without judgement. So here I am, (a divine being having a HUMAN experience), embracing and paying attention to what is true for me at this moment.  As it is, right now I feel negative, dark, and broken.  In stating this, I am indeed declaring my suffering.  I've lived through darker times, but that does not discount my current "reality".  Sometimes I feel happy, and other times I feel sad. Through my work, I have come to realize that this is okay.  Extreme joy can only be experienced if one has also experienced absolute sadness.  You can not have the "light" without the "dark". Together, both sides create a whole.  By accepting and embracing my darkness, I can feel my wholeness!  And actually, my being begins to feel better, and with that comes a lightness (all I had to do was write it down).  

I must accept my shadow!

My truth grows from the circumstances I create, and I (egotistically speaking) am unhappy with my current circumstances.  Not to say that I am not blessed!!  I know that I am, and for my blessings I am profoundly grateful.  I try to keep perspective, knowing that even the most basic of life's gifts (food, health, shelter, family) are not readily available to all.  I know that I am fortunate. But, in keeping perspective, I also need to honor what I know.  I grew up in the United States, with peers both young and old, surrounded by a set of circumstances unique to us.  We have faced similar challenges, embraced or rejected similar belief systems, and spent many years working hard to "be successful" in our capitalist society.  Opportunity and an abundance of choices have presented themselves to my generation.  Decisions define our lives...we choose a college, our careers, our location, our relationships.  Each decision leads us to our "now".  


I've made alot of choices over the past year that have determined my current state of affairs. Some I am happy to have made (like committing to becoming a soul coach), but other choices I find I am questioning with lack of faith. Even though I remind myself time and time again, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, something inside me refuses to settle.  I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, fake and inauthentic.  My truth is not resonating.  My heart feels torn and longing for another reality.  But, I know I must accept what IS!!  How do I transition myself into the "now" when I feel so disconnected?  


Deep in my mind's eye, I know what I want.  I think I am hung up on the idea that I could've had it sooner, rather than later.  My decisions have taken me for a detour, and I'm having a difficult time enjoying the ride.  I need a plan of action that will allow me to relax into my current reality, with the knowing that what I truly long for will indeed come into fruition.  I know that alot of this comes down to me being able to trust in the Universe, a power that has been so good to me in the past. In my experience, the more I've let go, the more I've been witness to miracles in my life.  Maybe that's the message I am supposed to get out of writing my most honest truth.  I think too, that I need to solidify my thoughts so that I can move forward with direct intention.  I need to set goals, so that I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  My focus needs to be on clearing the way.  


Faith is being restored as I write.  A sense of "knowing" is creeping into my thoughts, convincing me that I will get there.  My dreams are real, and I need to accept them with a knowing heart full of hope.  Let this post be my inspiration as I embark on my journey and fulfill my deepest desires, freeing myself of doubt and regret.  Dreams spark the reality of one's choosing.  May this "detour" in my life enhance all that is meant to be.    


I dream of living on a mountain-top, near family and loved ones.  I dream of a home surrounded by lush green in the summer and snowy white in the winter.  I dream of a home office with sacred space for healing and for the creation of abundance.  I dream of animals surrounding me, safe, cuddly, and content.  I dream of a young child to share wisdom and laughter.  I dream of warmth and romance and fulfillment as I grow into my maturity.  I dream of solidity, strength, and a sense of being grounded in my surroundings.  I dream of travel and freedom to roam from a rooted home base.  I dream of peace and serenity in all that IS!!  


I know that this and more is awaiting my arrival.  In this knowing, my sense of optimism is attempting to recharge.  The only way I can attain my dreams is by starting with my current reality, no matter how dark.  The acknowledgement of my truth, with clarity and acceptance, is the catalyst for transformation.  With one foot in front of the other, I will attain all that I dream.  

___________________________________________Addendum:  

As the universe would have it, a message awaited me in the book I am currently reading tonight:

"In the landscape of the soul there is a desert, a wilderness, an emptiness, and all great singers must cross this desert to reach the beginning of their road.  Jesus.  Buddha.  Moses.  Mohammed.  All wandered through the wasteland, speaking to demons, speaking to empty air, listening to the wind, before finding their dove, their bodi tree, their stone tablets, before finding their true voice.  I have hope for you exactly because you have entered the desert, following in the footsteps of those few who have been true teachers."  ~ Ray  Faraday Nelson

Thank you Universe!!