Truth in My Darkness

Freedom comes from our soul knowing and accepting our most basic truth.  It comes from accepting our lives whole-heartedly, recognizing our feelings with deep honesty and clarity, without judgement. So here I am, (a divine being having a HUMAN experience), embracing and paying attention to what is true for me at this moment.  As it is, right now I feel negative, dark, and broken.  In stating this, I am indeed declaring my suffering.  I've lived through darker times, but that does not discount my current "reality".  Sometimes I feel happy, and other times I feel sad. Through my work, I have come to realize that this is okay.  Extreme joy can only be experienced if one has also experienced absolute sadness.  You can not have the "light" without the "dark". Together, both sides create a whole.  By accepting and embracing my darkness, I can feel my wholeness!  And actually, my being begins to feel better, and with that comes a lightness (all I had to do was write it down).  

I must accept my shadow!

My truth grows from the circumstances I create, and I (egotistically speaking) am unhappy with my current circumstances.  Not to say that I am not blessed!!  I know that I am, and for my blessings I am profoundly grateful.  I try to keep perspective, knowing that even the most basic of life's gifts (food, health, shelter, family) are not readily available to all.  I know that I am fortunate. But, in keeping perspective, I also need to honor what I know.  I grew up in the United States, with peers both young and old, surrounded by a set of circumstances unique to us.  We have faced similar challenges, embraced or rejected similar belief systems, and spent many years working hard to "be successful" in our capitalist society.  Opportunity and an abundance of choices have presented themselves to my generation.  Decisions define our lives...we choose a college, our careers, our location, our relationships.  Each decision leads us to our "now".  


I've made alot of choices over the past year that have determined my current state of affairs. Some I am happy to have made (like committing to becoming a soul coach), but other choices I find I am questioning with lack of faith. Even though I remind myself time and time again, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, something inside me refuses to settle.  I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, fake and inauthentic.  My truth is not resonating.  My heart feels torn and longing for another reality.  But, I know I must accept what IS!!  How do I transition myself into the "now" when I feel so disconnected?  


Deep in my mind's eye, I know what I want.  I think I am hung up on the idea that I could've had it sooner, rather than later.  My decisions have taken me for a detour, and I'm having a difficult time enjoying the ride.  I need a plan of action that will allow me to relax into my current reality, with the knowing that what I truly long for will indeed come into fruition.  I know that alot of this comes down to me being able to trust in the Universe, a power that has been so good to me in the past. In my experience, the more I've let go, the more I've been witness to miracles in my life.  Maybe that's the message I am supposed to get out of writing my most honest truth.  I think too, that I need to solidify my thoughts so that I can move forward with direct intention.  I need to set goals, so that I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  My focus needs to be on clearing the way.  


Faith is being restored as I write.  A sense of "knowing" is creeping into my thoughts, convincing me that I will get there.  My dreams are real, and I need to accept them with a knowing heart full of hope.  Let this post be my inspiration as I embark on my journey and fulfill my deepest desires, freeing myself of doubt and regret.  Dreams spark the reality of one's choosing.  May this "detour" in my life enhance all that is meant to be.    


I dream of living on a mountain-top, near family and loved ones.  I dream of a home surrounded by lush green in the summer and snowy white in the winter.  I dream of a home office with sacred space for healing and for the creation of abundance.  I dream of animals surrounding me, safe, cuddly, and content.  I dream of a young child to share wisdom and laughter.  I dream of warmth and romance and fulfillment as I grow into my maturity.  I dream of solidity, strength, and a sense of being grounded in my surroundings.  I dream of travel and freedom to roam from a rooted home base.  I dream of peace and serenity in all that IS!!  


I know that this and more is awaiting my arrival.  In this knowing, my sense of optimism is attempting to recharge.  The only way I can attain my dreams is by starting with my current reality, no matter how dark.  The acknowledgement of my truth, with clarity and acceptance, is the catalyst for transformation.  With one foot in front of the other, I will attain all that I dream.  

___________________________________________Addendum:  

As the universe would have it, a message awaited me in the book I am currently reading tonight:

"In the landscape of the soul there is a desert, a wilderness, an emptiness, and all great singers must cross this desert to reach the beginning of their road.  Jesus.  Buddha.  Moses.  Mohammed.  All wandered through the wasteland, speaking to demons, speaking to empty air, listening to the wind, before finding their dove, their bodi tree, their stone tablets, before finding their true voice.  I have hope for you exactly because you have entered the desert, following in the footsteps of those few who have been true teachers."  ~ Ray  Faraday Nelson

Thank you Universe!!  

The Path of Our Choosing

Where are you now?

And where would you like to go?

I reflect and attempt to choose my path with an awakened consciousness.  I embrace complete awareness as I look into the future.  I have the power to create all that I desire.  

Wishing you well on your chosen path as we enter the new year!!    

I Am A Soul Coach.

As the days continue on, I must remember to remind myself that "It's Happening!!".  

This past month has been a bit of a whirl.  It's so easy to get lost in the ways of the every day, when the main focus is to simply make ends meet.  Routines take over and our energy reserves get depleted.  New responsibilities take precedence and our passions get pushed aside.  I question my priorities over and over, knowing that I need to pay rent and buy groceries.  This isn't what I wanted.  This isn't what I planned.  But it is exactly where I happen to find myself.  

I know life doesn't have to be this way.  I've dug myself out of this hole before.  How did I cycle back into this reality?  I am abundant in so many ways.  Blessed by the amazing and loving people in my life.  Blessed to have experienced multiple cities.  Blessed in knowing that there is so much more to life than this!!  The daily grind!!  As I go about my current life, hesitation arises, along with sadness. It takes effort, but I have to remind myself that there is more to the story than what is being presented.  The life of my dreams still exists, even if only in my mind.  Manifestation is always a possibility.  The thought IS the first spark!!

I've been thinking, very much, in the back of my mind lately.  Little zips and zaps of my brain continue to remind me that I haven't been focusing on the path meant for me.  I know what I am "supposed" to be doing for myself.  But instead, I find myself falling into the traps of a society, bent on keeping me down.  I need to refocus!!  I need to re-energize myself with the knowing that I am a divine being.  That all I need is already provided.  I need to trust and let go and allow the wind to carry me deep into the realms of possibility.  

I've worked very hard over the past year.  I had goals, and I have achieved every single one.  For this I am thankful.  One of my largest accomplishments was becoming a Certified Soul Coach and Past Life Coach.  I am incredibly grateful for my experiences related to this.  I know that I am a changed person, a better person.  My interests in spiritual studies have expanded, and I feel intensely connected to the earth.  I know I will continue to learn and grow as time propels me forward.  As I grow, I also know that I need to share what I have learned.  That is where my focus ultimately needs to land, and where it needs to strengthen!  I must embrace all that I am and all that I have to share.  This is incredibly important.  I want to help other people create the lives of their dreams, while I continue to create my own visions and incredible realities.  In all that I do, I know I must lead by example. 

That being said, I must break out of the mundane.  Working as a server at a restaurant is not my dream.  But living and loving others, helping them on their life's paths, IS!  It is time for me to readjust and break out of the cycle that has "defined" me thus far.  At the same time I must remember that this "me" isn't real, unless I give it that power.  In true reality, I am but one piece of a giant cosmic puzzle, a puzzle that we all are part of.  It is time for me to rearrange myself in order to fit into an easier spot with more light, love, acceptance, and kindness.  I am full of potential, to be all that I dream, as are you.  I want to choose to utilize my blessings.  I want to embrace my life as a Soul Coach!!  It is a choice I am making.  And in this choice, I feel the truth of my voice shouting from my throat chakra, "THIS IS IT!!".  Yes, I hear you.  The life I have imagined IS INDEED HAPPENING! 

working and grateful

YES!!  I finally have a solid job here in Austin!!  I'm working as a server at a restaurant called 24Diner.  It's a casual work atmosphere, but with a great Culinary Institute chef-inspired menu and a fantastic Old World wine list.  24Diner even has it's own sommelier!  My co-workers seem friendly, and I'm in the heart of the city at 6th and Lamar.  I've only been "on the floor" for about a week, but I'm hoping to become a pretty integral part of the team there.  I'm excited to be meeting some fun people, and it feels good to be working so close to all the downtown Austin action!  

I'm excited to be working and finally making some money!!  (I haven't had a "real" job in about three months...yes, it was nice!  Haha!)  The downfall is that, now that I'm working, other parts of my life have had to be placed on hold, which I don't like.  I'm hoping that as I get into the swing of things with a regular schedule at 24Diner, I'll be able to keep up with my priorities...like this blog for one thing!!  :)  And I really want to start some painting.  I've been incredibly inspired lately to work on some mandala art!!  And I need to get going on my Gateway Dreaming course (which I plan on starting with the new year)!!  And I reallllllly want to get moving on this Soul Coaching® business that I've got goin' on!!  

I did finally get some Soul Coaching® business cards which I am thrilled about!!  It's definitely a beginning!!  This past month, I've been making an effort to attend workshops and classes around Austin that are focused on the metaphysical and spiritual realms.  I've introduced myself as a Soul Coach, and NOW I have the business cards to prove it.  Haha!  This is fantastic!!  I've met some really beautiful and inspiring people with great ideas and helping hands.  They have huge hearts and tremendous warmth amongst them.  I'm excited to see what I can learn from these open-hearted individuals while here in Austin, and I look forward to the growth that will come through knowing them.  I am grateful!!!

My Jesus Year - A Resurrection of the Soul

Today I welcome another birthday into my life!  I am entering my 33rd year, what I also refer to as my "Jesus year".  To some, this designation may sound offensive, but in actuality I think it's a wonderful tribute!!  I first heard this phrase coined about 5 years ago, when another friend entered her Jesus year at the age of 33.  I loved the wittiness of such a coining, and the idea has stuck with me.  I've been looking forward to my own Jesus year with excitement and anticipation ever since!  Now, here I am at 33 years old.  What does it mean to enter this year in my life?  

It is speculated that Jesus was 33 years old when he was crucified, brought to death, and then buried.  According to the stories of the christian faith, that would mean that he died and arose from the dead at that young age, becoming an archetypal symbol of Resurrection that has lasted about two thousand years.  (As a side note... The butterfly has often been used as a symbol depicting the resurrection of Jesus, as stated in my last blog entry!!)

The theme of Resurrection has had a strong presence in my life since I was born.  My name, "Stacey", comes from the greek "Anastasia", which simply means "resurrection".  Being born in December, there is also the pagan reflection on the winter solstice. Pagans believe in the "death" of the sun as the hours of daylight shorten, and then the "rebirth" of the sun as days are lengthened with more light.  (This belief ties in strongly with the stories of Jesus, God's "son", who died and then rose into the heavens.)  My life experience has gifted me with my own personal experiences of resurrection as well, having survived a life-threatening motor vehicle accident, and a house fire.  Both experiences had their ways of interrupting my life's path, so that I could begin anew.  For that I feel blessed!

With all of that said, the idea of growing into my 33rd year on this planet is quite exciting!  I see this year as a year of great transformation for myself (just like Jesus or the butterfly).  I am letting go of the old, and grasping onto the new.  I'm living in a new town, surrounded by new people.  I'm embarking on my Soul Coaching® career, which is an entirely new endeavor and adventure!!  Ultimately, I am reinventing myself, creating the life of my dreams.  As I look forward into my "Jesus year", I see a resurrection of my spirit and my soul!  Life is leading me to explore new horizons, pushing me beyond my own expectations.  Thirty three will be a life-changing year!!!  I can feel it!  Today, every moment, and specifically this year, I am being resurrected into a new way of being.  I am thankful for the awareness of this transformational time!!  

Butterfly Messages!

Today, I had an experience that really brought to light a symbol that has been entering my life consistently since moving to Austin. This morning, I had the pleasure of listening to some of Denise Linn's radio show on Hay House Radio. She was talking about symbols and the messages life likes to give to the soul. In Denise's talk, she mentioned coincidences, strange out-of-the-blue occurrences in our lives, as well as the messages given by nature and animals. There was much discussion about birds and what different birds might mean to an individual. I wasn't able to finish the entire show, but the ideas presented stuck with me as I continued on with my day.

Tom and I had some errands to run, so we hopped in the car and headed over to Kinko's, a copy store in the area. As we were driving, I started thinking about a turkey that had flown over my car about a year ago, back when I was in Binghamton, NY. I was still stuck on the idea of birds and the symbols they might represent. My mind continued to meander, and I thought, "Man...a symbol like that could REALLY get your attention if it just hit your windshield!!". (Not meaning to be morbid...but that really would catch your attention!!) Just as I had that thought, a butterfly caught it's wing underneath the windshield wipers on tom's car. It was stuck there for about 30 seconds, as we rounded a corner. Then, once we slowed down to stop, the butterfly again regained it's ability to maneuver itself and flew away! (I hope he was okay!!)

Now, to me, that was an amazingly synchronistic occurence!! I was thinking about symbols landing on the windshield, and here was a beautiful and delicate butterfly showing up right before me. I almost dismissed the event, but instead I spoke aloud to Tom what I had been thinking just as the butterfly got caught on his car. We both had an "Aha!" moment, as this was most definitely a symbol I was meant to pay attention to!

Since first arriving in Austin, I've actually had many run-ins with butterflies! The first time, we were out for lunch with some friends and a couple of butterflies kept landing on me. They'd fly away and come back. I was surprised and delighted by their presence. This happened again when I was working on my 28 day Soul Coaching program, taking a day to connect with the earth. I sat in a tree and a number of butterflies continued to visit me while I was there. They'd land on my legs, walk around a bit, untwirl their long tongues and just kind of hang out. I loved their company!! When I went on a vision quest just a few weeks ago, I again noticed butterflies, but dismissed them, as I was hiking in nature and simply expected them to be there.

butterfly on my vision quest

I've now come to the realization that my dismissal of the presence of butterflies came too soon! It is interesting to note, that the amount of energy I've been giving to my soul's journey, coincides with the frequency and intensity of my butterfly experiences here in Austin. I've been losing some of my focus recently, but today, after listening to Denise Linn's show and contemplating a bit about the journey of the soul in relation to symbolism, the message rang loud and clear. The butterflies I've been encountering definitely had something to teach me! So, when I got home from a long day of errands, I typed into my computer "butterfly symbolism". This is what I found...

Most obviously, the butterfly is a symbol of "transformation". From larvae, to cocoon, to magnificent butterfly, incredible transformation takes place, to the point where the butterfly is completely different and unrecognizable at the end of it's lifespan. The butterfly goes through immense change throughout it's short life, and it does so with amazing grace and unwaivering faith. It accepts the transitions in it's life, understanding and knowing that undergoing such metamorphosis is for it's own good. The butterfly embraces the call of nature, and in the end is gifted with the ability to fly!! Another symbol of the butterfly in relation to these circumstances is "resurrection". After the earth chomping larvae goes to sleep in it's cocoon (a type of tomb), it then comes back to life (a spiritual resurrection) more glorious than ever before!

Many cultures also recognize the butterfly as a symbol for the "soul". This representation really stood out to me, as it is directly connected to my life's path as a Soul Coach. I believe all beings are on a soul journey. Throughout our lives, we go through countless experiences that shift our perceptions and change our circumstances, bringing us ever closer to our soul's most authentic way of being. As we follow our spiritual path with grace and acceptance, our soul's grow lighter and lighter. Just like the butterfly, we grow and change, until ultimately our spirit's are able to rise above in lightness of being. The butterfly is a grand example of just how to approach these changes and metamorphoses throughout life. Through patience, acceptance, and the ability to change with grace, our soul's will ultimately be lighter so that we can soar to higher planes of understanding and existence.

After reflection on the symbolism of butterflies, I can definitely see and feel what messages were in store for me. In my current life, I feel that my soul is going through immense change, though at the present time I feel static and stifled. I feel that I've come so far in my spiritual evolution, yet I have so much farther to go. I am transforming internally now, and it's a slow process. My soul is in transition. I can see on the horizon though, a glorious life, helping others as they embark on their own soul journeys. I am gathering that this is a time for me to rest, like the larvae rests in it's cocoon before releasing itself to the universe as a beautiful butterfly!! The message now is to take each moment with patient knowing. I must accept my current circumstances and go with the flow, having faith that all will turn out beautifully, as I know it will.

I am on the verge, once again, of resurrecting myself into a new way of being. I am excited and happy for this transformation. I welcome change and look forward to my future. For now, I will wait for my moment in stillness and acceptance. I ask for grace to guide me as I transition into my new life. Thank you butterflies for the awareness you've given me, as it keeps me centered and feeling like I'm on the right track!! One motto I and my fellow Soul Coaches learned from Denise Linn while in California this past September was that "It's happening!". I think that is exactly what the butterflies are trying to tell me. If I continue with faith and patience, I too will emerge like a beautiful butterfly!! Thank you for the messages meant for my soul.

loving fall on this 28th day.

Today marks the last day of a 28 day program I've been doing with my fellow soul coach family. I've really enjoyed reading our daily positive affirmations, realizing that IT REALLY IS HAPPENING, and working through these days with my soul group. It saddens me a bit to think that we won't all be on the same page anymore, in a literal sense, once we're finished! BUT....I know really, that this is just the beginning for all of us!! YES!! Tomorrow begins our soul's vision quest. I am super excited for this sacred process! And, I can't wait to share all that I have learned with all of my future soul coaching clients!! :)

Today my affirmation was, "I give love deeply and fully. I receive love deeply and fully. My essence is love." Such a beautiful way to sum things up! I am love. You are love. That's all that really is. Thank you universe for this awareness!!! I love each and every one of you.

And on this beautiful day of LOVE, the air in Austin decided to cool down a little bit, meaning it was absolutely GORGEOUS outside. :) Blue skies and warm winds causing leaves to scurry about makes me so happy!! It almost felt like a "cool" summer's day in September in upstate NY. And it was enough to put me in the mood to collect some festive fall pumpkins with Tom this afternoon!! :)

Now, Tom and I are just listening to some Jack White, while we wait for our chocolate chip cakes to cool off. We made them in round pans so we could decorate them like PUMPKINS!!! It's about time I go check on them. HAPPY FALL with LOVE everyone!!!! xoxoxoxo.

progress.

quick update! i had an amazing time at summerhill ranch. i met beautiful people and learned other-worldly things. i am blessed!! AND i am now a Certified Soul Coach and Certified Past Life Coach. i am currently getting that all under way, so my little blog here has had to take a back seat.

if you'd like a brief inquiry as to what i've been up to, you can follow me on facebook at Stacey Jean Soul Journeys. i would love to see you there!! :)

many blessings to you. xoxo.

summerhill ranch.

laundry. packing. and last minute details. i'm getting ready for an adventure. tomorrow i get on a flight taking me from binghamton, new york to san luis obispo, california. from there i will be picked up and taken deep into the hills where i will stay at Summerhill Ranch for nine days. hundred year old oak trees and baby chickens will welcome me there. i'm excited for my stay.

summerhill ranch looks beautiful.

i'm embarking on my training to become a soul coach and past-life regressionist. this is my starting point. the beginning of my most authentic path in life. i've studied these themes for almost ten years now, since i was in a near fatal automobile accident. since i had my very own "out of body experience". and now it is finally time to incorporate all that i know, into my life's work. so yes, soon i will be a certified soul coach. and i will have the skills needed to regress others into their past lives. i can't wait!!

so wish me well. i'm happy to take this journey. :)