ladybugs.

struggling to paint ladybugs. i've had this project for a few months now. a project involving the painting of, or should i say, decorating of a wooden chair for a child. a wooden chair meant to be adorned with ladybugs. that's the motif. ladybugs that i don't want to paint. tiny red bugs with black dots. i think it would've been easier to paint pink ladybugs. but this child's mother hates pink! even though this child is still only a baby. even though, to me, the idea of red and black seems awfully harsh for an individual so delicate and soft. so i actually haven't painted the chair, as one might have predicted. on the contrary, i used some green, some yellow, some orange, some brown. it's an earthy wooden chair. spotted with ladybugs. the red and black kind. i don't believe it's painted as expected....but i do hope the recipients like it. if i ever get it finished.....

my due-date is friday.

i've learned alot about myself, as an artist, by having taken on this project. i'm through with "decorating". meaningless, thoughtless, under-appreciated color placed onto a surface with a steady, predictable hand is no longer fulfilling. hence, i have decided that i can no longer paint what others want me to paint. the time has come for me to claim my talent as my own, so that i can utilize it as it is meant to be utilized. i've known this for awhile now. far too many ideas fly through my mind and are lost. lost because i'm always focusing on what i need to do for other people, instead of harnessing my power to really truly create! i simply don't have the time, energy, or motivation to do anything but pursue my own personal bouts of inspiration, any more. i don't have to paint. but i want to. and what i want to paint comes from visions in my head, brought on by my very own internal and personal processes that only i can interpret. there is much to be expressed, trapped inside this crazy skull. and i'm the best person, or rather, the ONLY person who can create those expressions!

but for now, i still continue to struggle with these ladybugs. i said i'd get this chair finished. and i'm a woman with integrity. so, i'll get it done. somehow. slowly. hopefully by friday....